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Many things, but most of all the love I feel for you at that moment..."She laughed a little at the response. Trailed her fingers over the back of my hand and finally said, "Much the same as me then."But I wondered. I wondered at my own perhaps slightly trite response, but the conversation changed and it left my mind for the moment.Later I climbed into bed alongside my already half-asleep lover. She lay, naked, with her back to me as I slid under the cover. I lay on my back thinking again about what I felt while making love to the lovely form now lying beside me. 'He' stirred languidly to my thoughts, thoughts of slipping inside my love. I 'wanted ' to feel that slide.In the low light of the lamp we leave lit at night I watched as unbidden and almost remote from me my fingers traced the line of her back bone, gently to the furrow of her bottom. She sighed gently and wriggled a little under my touch. He stirred again, more purposefully now as he realised his time approached.I used both. ‘Much better, see?’ I looked at myself in her compact, trying to move the tiny circle of mirror to get the right view. Indeed, no more little kid Halloween fright mask. And that is when it got really weird. As I stood there I could not help myself – I felt my face grow warm and started to cry silently. First a tear welled up in my eye, and then another, and they started rolling down my face, the salt stinging the nick on my cheek all over again, and her blue eyes got big. ‘Did I hurt you? I’m so sorry!’ ‘No, no, the opposite. Are you a doctor or a nurse or EMT or something?’ She smiled again. ‘No, that’s silly. I just wiped some blood off your face, I didn’t perform a hip transplant.’ But she still looked puzzled. ‘Why are you crying?’ And I don’t know why, but for once in my life I let down that guard, that protective armor I carry everywhere like a Roman shield. I didn’t want anyone other than her to hear my confession, and said it softly. ‘I’m crying because it has been so long.
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